As I have shared before, the #1 factor that determines whether therapy will be successful is the relationship between the client and their therapist. Now that’s easy enough to say, but how do you really know whether you will have a good relationship with your therapist without spending time (and dollars) getting to know them?

While more experienced clients tend to have a better understanding of what to expect, what works and what doesn’t work for them, and what they are looking for, if you’re new to therapy, you may not even know what questions to ask. 

Yes, it does take time to build a relationship, even with your therapist; however, knowing the right questions to ask in an initial consultation can save you some time, money, and, more importantly, help you get connected to the right person to help you through your journey.

Here are my suggestions on what questions to ask a therapist before you begin therapy to get to know your therapist and why I think these questions are important.

What is your therapy style or approach?

There is a long list of different therapy styles and approaches that all have pros and cons. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for the next. And to make it even more complex, each therapist will bring their own personality into their therapy approach. For some people, they may be familiar with an approach that they wish to try out, for others, it might be a shot in the dark. Either way, this is an important question to ask a potential therapist; you will begin to see their personality and therapy style in the way that they answer this question, through the words they use, how they explain the techniques, and how they will address your specific concern. Therapists are typically skilled in multiple approaches and choose which to use based on what resonates with them and fits well with their personality, as well as what they believe to be the best fit for their client. By asking this question, you should get the sense of whether their approach seems to fit well with you.

Will you give me advice?

Simply put, it is not the role of a therapist to give advice. Some therapists may advise you to, talk to your medical doctor, or explore meditation, or give you “homework,” to do between sessions, for example. These sorts of suggestions and recommendations can be helpful and are well within the realm of a therapist’s role. However, all too often I hear from clients and acquaintances that their therapist has given them direct advice specifically about how they should solve their problem. As well, some clients have asked me for direct advice about how to solve their problem.

Unless the issue is related to an emergency or another serious risk, it’s my belief that a therapist should never give advice. The reason for this is that no one can truly know the potential consequences of someone else’s decisions or what is the right choice for our clients. We may think we know but we really don’t. Only our clients can know that. As therapists, it is our role to trust our client’s to know what is right for them and to guide them to their own answers. How a therapist responds to this question should give you some clarity on what you can expect from them in your sessions.  

How will I know if therapy is working for me?

The answer to this question likely depends on your goals for therapy; what you are hoping to achieve. However, most therapists will have their own process for checking in with clients, assessing whether you both are on the right track, and moving toward the same goal. My process for checking in with clients is something that I like to share with them upfront so that they understand what to expect and can get used to expressing how they feel about the therapy process itself.

What should I do if I feel like therapy is not helping or my issue is getting worse?

Likewise, most therapists will have their own process for adjusting their therapy approach if, in fact, progress is not happening. Keep in mind that sometimes clients do feel like things are getting worse, right before they get better. You should feel comfortable enough with your therapist to say, ‘Hey, I don’t think this is working for me,’ or to discuss your options if you feel like things are getting worse, without fear of offending your therapist.

What else do you think is important for me to know before I begin therapy?

Sometimes clients really have no idea where to begin or what it is that they should know that they don’t know. Think of your therapist as your guide. They should be able to give you a sense of security in knowing that they have your back and will show you the way until you get familiar with the process of therapy.

Of course, there are many other questions you will have before you begin therapy and you should feel comfortable to ask all of your questions before getting started. By the end of a consultation, you should have a sense of the therapist’s personality, therapy style, and demeanour. Don’t be afraid to ask for time to make your decision before setting up another appointment and use that time to check in with yourself after the consultation.

You should leave a session feeling like you have been heard and that your therapist has some understanding of who you are and what you need. You should always feel safe and comfortable (even if you are still feeling a little nervous). Listen to your instincts. Sometimes, something just feels a little “off,” or the connection just isn’t there. That’s okay. Even the best therapists won’t be the right fit for every client. Trust that you know what you need and when the fit is right, you will know it.