We're not meant to go through life alone.
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Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
We’re not meant to go through life alone.
Though the recent spring temperatures (finally!) have undoubtedly given us all a boost to our moods, we are not out of the woods yet. With the ongoing pandemic, self-isolation, and uncertainty, I am hearing the same concerns echoed by many of my clients. I’ve been feeling it too.
The loss of motivation, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, inability to focus attention, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite or increased appetite, increased use of alcohol and other substances, feeling “numb,” “moody,” “irritable,” “lonely,” and “sad,” (sometimes all in the same day). Almost all the client’s I have spoken to have asked, “why can’t I get anything done?” and most have concluded that they are “just lazy.” However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Currently, we are experiencing a collective trauma. I have described it as a slow-moving trauma. There is no immediate threat to our lives for the majority of us. Yet, there has been a dramatic shift in our everyday lives and experiences. This pandemic has resulted in a number of new and increased stressors, including loss of jobs, financial security, social connection, housing stability, food security, and expectations of the future, to name a few. All of which would be somewhat manageable if they occurred over a short period of time (a couple weeks to a month at most).
In this case, unfortunately, these losses have occurred over a long period of time, and there is no end in sight. This is what is known as micro-trauma; small traumas that occur repeatedly over a long period of time. If they happened once or over a short period of time, they would be stressful but not necessarily traumatic. If they occur repeatedly over a long period of time, they can be as traumatic as a single major event.
In other words, all of these symptoms we are experiencing are natural trauma responses to an abnormal and traumatic event. It’s a trauma reaction manifesting as depression and anxiety. What you can expect is that these symptoms will continue to ebb and flow for as long as the pandemic continues and likely for several months afterward.
As we begin to lose a sense of control over our lives and our future, we will begin what is known as the, “downward spiral of depression.” Our natural response to trauma is to retreat, isolate, preserve energy, and seek comfort; inevitably this leads to greater feelings of hopelessness and depression.
However, our minds and bodies don’t want to us to give up. They are resilient and always working in our favour. And so, panic sets in, which, counterintuitively, can be motivating (temporarily at least), and we get a boost of anxious energy to solve all the challenges we’re facing, until we’ve exhausted our efforts and once again return to depression.
I know, I’m not painting a very hopeful picture, but it is important to understand what we are experiencing. That it is not simply a lack of motivation but rather a cycle of depression and anxiety brought on by a collective trauma. Once we understand that, we are able to give ourselves and each other the love and compassion that we all deserve and need most right now. We can stop beating ourselves up for not catching up on that project, or reading that book, or completing that online fitness course, and give ourselves the space to process our emotions, nurture our bodies, and connect with ourselves to identify our immediate needs in this moment. You wouldn’t place these same expectations on yourself if the trauma we were facing was a forest fire, for instance, and it doesn’t make sense to have those expectations now.
Another reason why this particular event is so traumatic for us—we are social creatures. Whether you’re an introvert or an extravert, we all need social connection to thrive and survive.
This reminds me of the “rat park experiment.” This was an experiment in which researchers observed rats in cages after giving them two choices: a bottle full of water or a bottle full of drug-laced water. They found that the majority of these rats chose the drug-laced water and some continued until they were dead. From this they inferred that, if given the choice, the majority of people will use drugs. That is until another researcher re-designed the experiment, this time letting the rats live in what they called “rat park.”
Rat park was full of stimulation and the rats were able to socialize, eat nutritious meals, exercise, mate, and otherwise live a fulfilling life. Under these conditions, the researcher found that the majority of rats chose the pure water. From this, they determined that it isn’t the drug that determines whether people will use drugs but rather their emotional state and their environment.
The reason I mention the rat park experiment is that I think it very simply demonstrates that social isolation and lack of stimulation is not natural and can lead to hopelessness and unhealthy coping strategies that only exacerbate the problem.
We’re not meant to go through life alone and we see now more than ever how deeply connected we are.
While we aren’t all able to create our own rat park under these current circumstances, there are a few small things we can do that will have a big impact on how we survive and recover from this trauma.
Talk to others about how you really feel and/or journal. We all need an outlet for our emotions and the best time to let those emotions out is while they are happening, rather than days, weeks or months later. Get it all out and don’t be afraid to ask others if they are willing to listen.
Give yourself lots of love, understanding and compassion. Let go of your to-do list until you’re feeling up for it. Let go of the “should statements” and replace them with, “I am doing the best that I can during this traumatic event and my best is enough.”
Get out of your head and into your body. Sit outside and practice focusing on your 5 senses. Pay attention to what you hear, smell, taste, feel, and see. Stretch for a few minutes (forget about that yoga class unless you’re feeling up for it). Give yourself a hug. Breathe deeply.
Lastly, if you’re struggling and don’t know how to help yourself, ask for help. Whether it’s from a friend, family member, or your therapist. Reach out. You are not alone, and help is available.
We’re all in this together, and we will get through it together.